I always feel like blogging on lonely nights like this. When it's just my thoughts and I.
You know when I look at mirror, I don't really like what I see, I shan't lie. Like other girls, I really feel insecure but I usually try my best to not show it and bottle it up. I know I am not as attractive as other girls. Those attractive girls who apparently feels insecure too, a pretty face, nice bosoms, a non-muffin tummy, you know those stuff. If they feel that way, what the hell am I suppose to feel? Probably ten times more insecure, yes. I bottle up all my insecurities to myself and it hurts. I don't really share it with anyone. Probably just a couple of time with my girlfriends saying 'I feel fat' and that's it, life goes on, they forget about what I mentioned but I don't. I am not posting this to get attention, pity or whatsoever but I just wish to express myself. I don't have boys coming up to me telling me I'm not bad of a looker and all those. I feel like a potato. I make jokes of being a potato and all, like it's not much of a big deal but I swear it hurts. There are times I don't feel good enough, I just want to lock myself up in my room and not going anywhere, ignoring friends' calls when they ask me out and all. I am girl with issues with her hair and other parts of her body.
However, I know I have to appreciate my body. Allah s.w.t has created me perfectly, with a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth and perfect body parts. I have to learn and appreciate myself. I need not feel worthless. I thank Allah for my parents too who always tell me how beautiful I am which I definitely doubt so but still, I love my parents. Who needs boys to tell me I am attractive? I have my parents! Well actually it would be nice to get noticed, but it's alright, one day, I will find someone who can accept all my flaws and love me for who am I. I dress for Allah s.w.t and nobody else since I am not married. As a Muslim girl, I know my importance of covering my aurat. I am not prepared to use a hijab yet but insyaAllah one day my heart will be open to hijab.
June holidays are here, but I have to spend my time studying! Prelims the first thing when school opens! Gotta fight procrastination!
No comments:
Post a Comment