Love, Rosie

"You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of everyday just wondering what you're doing, where you are, who you're with, and if you're OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy."

Celia Ahern, Love, Rosie

July 2015

I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I tend to do that to anyone who shows even the faintest interest in me. I'm too scared. I'm always too scared.

Stronger

Hi. I saw a beautiful quote on Tumblr which I relate so much to and feel strongly about. I take no credits for this but it's so beautiful and important and I feel I should share.

“This is the same advice I gave to my younger sister who is no longer “young”: If you are 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, there is no need for you to be in a relationship. All that will do to you is break your heart over and over again, only for you to grow bitter in age, become insecure and hurt yourself in the process. You expect these men after them to fix what has been broken, your heart when not a single individual in this world can fix that for you except Allah and yourself. At such a young age, there is only a need to work on yourself and nobody else. You have so much potential at that age that can be ruined because of a relationship that has no certainty. Grow to love what you want to do. Grow to be a better Muslim. Men will come and go all your life and you know this. You are right, there isn’t anyone like him because there is someone better than him. At this age, you see other people’s happiness because you can’t find it in yourself. You end up wanting what others have. Understand, you cannot have what others have. You can only have what you have been given and you can only be given what you learn to be thankful for. If you work on yourself now, in years time, that right person will come into your life when you least expect it because you’ve been too busy working on yourself all this time. Read the Qur’an everyday, if not, as often as you can. Pray your salah and make that connection with Allah. If you have Allah there is nothing else you need. Put yourself at the forefront of your own life, take control of it. If you don’t, as you get older, you will become insecure. You will become bitter. You will hurt yourself and hurt other great people who try to be with you. Don’t let this happen to you. Be smart. Be wise and know that you have a beautiful journey towards Allah. Don’t let a person ruin it because they never appreciated you. Learn to appreciate yourself. Love yourself and be ready for anything in life and the right person will come but you need to be right and happy with yourself first. Marriage is there to protect you so only seek marriage and not flings as this is temporary with no guarantees.”

Oh Allah make me stronger everyday.

6 months late

Hi there (if there's even anyone who still check out this blog). It's been 6 months since I last posted something, that's like half a year gone. Almost, I realised I haven't posted anything for the whole of 2015. Way to go Fiqah!

I remember love typing out my little life stories in this blog, I don't know what happened. I got older, forgetful and busy I guess? There's so much new things that happened for half of 2015 already. The more important ones would be:

1) I'm done with my 2nd year of polytechnic and is currently in my 3rd year
2) I'm actually done with 1/4 of my 3rd year which is 12 weeks of FYP
3) I'm currently having another 12 weeks of internship with a company outside, it's my 3rd week now
4) It's the 2nd day of Ramadhan 2015/1436H
5) Syawal 2015/1436H is a month's away
6) I'm going for my first Kodaline concert in August with Tab
7) We painted our living room in 2 shades of bluish green a few weeks ago

That's basically it, at least the ones I can remember for now. I'll try and blog more. Sorry for being a crap blogger, the whole 2 of you, my readers. I'm kidding. Bye for now.

Happy-sad

“It’s like I’m happy-sad. Happy, because nothing bad has happened, but sad, because nothing has happened at all.”

Helpless

It's been a while hasn't it? I noticed I blog best when I'm sad. I guess I'm not sad anymore, that explains the lack of posts.

It's almost 2am and I'm in bed, feeling as helpless as ever. I have about 253882 assignments due in less than 10 days and I'm barely done. I feel so bloody helpless and stupid because I don't even understand how I'm suppose to do 1 of the most tedious assignment ever. It's time consuming, I had 8 weeks and now I'm left with a week, 5 days to be exact. I better collect all my motivation and get it done and over with!!!!!!!

Pray for me.

21st August 2014

Is it sad that I feel so lonely when I'm surrounded by lots of lovely people? I can't describe this feeling. It has been there with since me since day 1 and I can't seem to get rid of this horrible feeling. I keep telling myself and everyone else that I'm alright and happy but deep down I know it's all a lie. It's so hard keeping all your feelings and thoughts to yourself. I don't wish to be this lonely anymore. I might show a strong upfront but I'm all weak and screaming inside.

Happy. I want someone to make me forget how loneliness feels.

I'm drowning and nobody wants to save me.

A dua for the broken hearted

Allah, I ask that protect my heart from becoming bitter, cold and chronically disappointed. Replace my fears and hesitations with optimism and hope that someday I will become whole again.

Amin.

One time

"One time I actually thought I had a chance with someone"

That person

I thought I was done feeling like this. But last night, I had a dream, or a nightmare I'm not sure myself. The last person who broke my heart came into my dream, not only that there was another girl, his girl. They were so happy and I was miserable. I woke up sad and confused.

I didn't want that person back. I didn't miss that person but I don't understand my dream, why? Maybe I did miss that person but was in denial? That explains my dream. But maybe I wasn't happy at the fact that person was happy with someone else when that person promised me so much. I probably sound selfish but that's how I felt.

I don't understand why am I always a victim. It wasn't the first time, it wasn't the second time either, and I doubt it was the third time but history just kept repeating itself. I built walls around myself and I doing alright, but that person just had to break those walls. It wasn't easy building those walls for a year, but why did that person just had to break those walls? My walls....... if that person didn't meant to stay.

And I thought I was done feeling like this.

Worst feelings in the world

• Failing a test you studied really hard for
• Getting replaced in a friendship
• Getting ignored
• Having something you're looking forward to, get cancelled
• Having to fight back tears in front of people
• Finding out that the person you like, likes someone else
• Goodbyes
• Rejection
• Showing your parents something you're proud of only to get a disinterested reply

I'm fine

"I know that I say I'm just fine but I hope you can wonder from time to time"

Date to marry

I've finished the two seasons of The Carrie Diaries in less than 3 days. I'm that obsessed. I first came to know about this drama when I was in the flight to Istanbul in May last year. They had 3 episodes of TCD so I watched it and I loved it. I never really had the time and didn't know where I could watched it online but I've finally found a reliable link. I really enjoy watching this drama because I feel like I could relate to it so well. The stars in drama are flawless. Austin Butler and Annasophia Robb make such a good pair. My current OTP. I actually learnt a lot from this drama so I thought why not blog about it. Here are some of my favourite quotes from the drama:

1. "Rule number three: Best friends always think you deserve the best guy even if the best guy barely knows you exist"
2. "A guy who is crazily, madly in love with you. A guy who sees how incredible and amazing you are, even though you're not the cheerleader or even close to the prettiest girl in the school. A guy who thinks you're beautiful, just the way you are"
3. "The world is full of people who all want the same thing, and you have to do a little something extra to make them remember you"
4. "Who am I supposed to be again? Just be yourself. But who am I?"
5. "If you smile, even if you're feeling bad, the action of the muscles will trick your brain into thinking that you're happy"
6. "If a woman could take care of herself, would she still need a man? Would she even want one? And if she didn't want a man, what kind of woman would she be? Would she even be a woman? Because it seemed if you were a woman, the only thing you were really supposed to want was a man"

#6 one got me thinking a lot. Girls, quoted from Pussycat Dolls, you don't need a man to make it happen! Being alone never bothered me, but yes the sight of everyone else embracing their partners leave me a little lonely. But I am okay with that because I know good things happen to those who wait and I really believe in "date to marry" so yes I'm cool. It's just my two cents but it makes me upset when girls continue crushing on guys who doesn't give a shit about them. I've been through that personally. I wasted my 2 years and I even got gifts on this boy who is obviously just taking advantage to me. I look back now and I have so much regrets. But what is done, is done. 

I may put up a strong upfront but I am honestly weak. If you're being nice to me, there's a 2139120481941% chance I'll probably develop a tiny crush on you and that is bad. I must say I'm improving. I'm no longer that kind of girl. I hope this will stay in a long run.

I aim to be like Carrie Bradshaw.

We're done with Year 1

And so..... 

We are done with year 1!!!!! (I'm really screaming)

We had our studio project 2 final presentation aka last presentation of sem 2/year 1 yesterday and it went pretty well. I was super nervous at first, typical, but I didn't get much critic on my video which is a huge relief. We had to do a 30 seconds silent video on basically anything we wanted, but more on a video that has a message/impact. It may sound easy but it was very challenging to squeeze everything in 30 seconds and not forgetting no dialogues are allowed. I owe a lot to Riys and Sha who are my actors for my video. It was very nice of them to agree to help me and sacrificing their time and energy for me. I'm really thankful. 

I can't believe I'm done with year 1. Time flies by so fast, it's so scary. I made really good friends throughout my year 1. They make me so happy in school. I can always count on them to make me laugh. I'm really comfortable with them, really glad this one year has brought us together. I really hope all is well and we'll spend the next 2 years together too. I really don't want to change classes and all. I've grown attached to this bunch! 

p.s. this includes Irah and Celia too, we had a group picture together but then I looked awful + it's in landscape hehe sorry girls, I still love you both the same

I have 6 weeks of holidays before year 2 starts! To be honest, 6 weeks doesn't seem long to me and I'm part of the Freshman Orientation 2014 so there will be days where I have to come back to school oh boy.

Cheers to the freakin holidays!

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